The PencentralRead all about Song Writers, Script Writers, Novelists, Ebook Creators and more...

Saturday, 27 May 2017 Contact Us

-
Share | Flag |
 
483_4

Bejewelling Your Nether Regions; Vagazzling, are You Flippin' Kidding Me?

[Humorous Articles]


Photo by Photo by alacoolc

 

A trend began some time ago, that involves decorating one’s crotch before a date--with jewels!  If you're young and hip, you might have heard about this.  Maybe I’m slow to the party, but as a women who barely has time to brush the pearly whites, I suppose that putting party sparkles on my hoo-hoo is way far down on my list of to do’s.

Some time ago, Jennifer Love Hewitt, TV and movie star, spoke a bit on the subject when interviewed on the late night Chelsea Lately Show.

Some of you may not believe what you just read!  Yep, that’s right; bejeweling, (known as vagazzling) one’s pubic area was, for a time, all the rage.

I barely have time to breathe on most days so making an appointment and spending time to dress up my little miss is not something I would probably consider.  However, I find it completely fascinating that women, most unmarried I’d bet, are vagazzling it up!

I’ve used a bedazzler for years to decorate tees and shoes, but if I used it on my skin, anywhere on my body, I’m sure I’d wind up in the ER with second-degree burns; imagine explaining that to the cute, male ER doc who would be lucky enough to get my case!

I’m writing about this craze in order to pass on this most important info on to you.  Here’s how the process works:  Jennifer referred to the process as “Vajazzlingbecause you bedazzle your vajayjay in a whole new way.  First, the area needs to be waxed, a painful process that can be done in a salon after several martinis; I believe this is the proper and complete definition of waxing your hoo-hoo, as in a Brazilian Wax.

Then, glue is applied to the crystals. (Nothing less than Swarovski will do since men will often take time to be sure that the crystals are the very best on the market before they “romance” you!)  A small amount of pressure and heat from the stylist’s hand will help to set the crystals.  Wait just a mo-mom-ment!  (Now I’m thinking at least 3 martinis because as a heterosexual woman, I’m not up for the idea of any woman putting pressure on my hoo-ha!)

Voila, party puss is ready to rumble!  One woman had her lady vajazzled and videotaped it; you can’t make this crap up!  I’m posting the link here but I take no responsibility for content on this site: http://www.theluxuryspot.com/2010/02/23/i-got-vajazzled-and-had-a-camera-crew/ The sight should be limited to those over 18 years of age; but let’s face it, most likely the 15 and 16-year-olds are the Vajazzler’s biggest customers!  Only a kid has time for such pee-pee pampering; the rest of us have real jobs and a life.

It’s also said that men are vagazzling their own private parts.  Now, there’s a real special thought:  I’d spend serious bucks to see my husband get his own special place decorated!  And I’d most definitely bring my Flip Cam to document the occasion.

My husband of 40 years would probably like it if I got vajazzled.  I’m not sure why, however.  After 40+ years together, he doesn’t’ need a roadmap to find my happy place; he knows exactly where it is and does quite well without a sparkling arrow to lead him there, thank you very much.  But perhaps if your significant other hasn’t found it yet, maybe an arrow would help; a crystal-laden arrow followed by “you dumbass!”

I’m a fan of almost anything that helps to keep a relationship fresh, exciting and new, but here’s my question:  Do you think vajazzling would help make your sex-life better?  You can leave a comment below but, please, just to clarify, no videos and keep it clean; I’m just beginning to make a few cents here and I don’t want to get bounced!

 

 

 

 

 

No Comments


Scribe: More Traffic in Less Time